Rassera, Rassera, Rasse, Rasse, Rassera

During the Nebuta late summer festival in Aomori, Japan, the above mantra is chanted to "drive away sleepiness during summer", while "giant lanters, on which samurai are drawn" are paraded through the streets. See Festivals in Japan. The reason I know it is through Akira, possibly the best movie ever made, animated or live-action - it's part of Kaneda's song. For some reason I choose to incorporate it here in this post about... the randomness of life in New York City, even when you are not rich and famous, don't go anywhere cool, and don't do anything outrageous. The random stuff that happened tonight reminded me that I like randomness, that's why I started this post out with the blurb about the rassera chant. Randomness adds so much spice to life. It basically makes life real and not a paper-thin, illuminated manuscript storyboard of predestined events, full of medieval-flat characters. This Japanese woman whose blog I happened across described the Nebuta festival as such: when I hear this music, my body dance unconsciously. We shout " rassera rassera rasse rasse rassera" and jump endlessly.

The Polar Express.

1. 10/7/06 - Me and Kim went down to Union Square/NYU area to escape from the deathly, stale intellect of Morningside Heights. On the way the lights on the subway train fizzles out, leaving us in pitch black as we rush toward 14th street. When the lights come back on, I'm paralyzed in fear, the guy across from me is laughing, probably at me, and so is Kim, fondly saying, "I was laughing because I knew you'd be freaking out." Once we leave the subway, though, we find ourselves on 7th Avenue. Kim loudly says, "Okay, why the fuck are we on 7th Avenue?" and some old guy bumming around outside the station says, "Where you girls trying to get to?' to which we reply, "Union Square?" He points us in the right direction, thankfully. Just as we're about to cross the street we almost get run over by a loud, red tourist bus filled with washed out tourists with their cameras.

East Village melee.

2. 10/7/06 - Same trip, other random things: I donate to charity for the first time in my life - I gave a dollar to some dude who wanted money "for the homeless", because he was selling stickers that said "MEAN PEOPLE SUCK". "Oh, not a million dollars?" he said, when I gave him a dollar and he gave me a sticker. The sticker is now affixed to my laptop cover, so that people who sit opposite me in the airport know that I think poorly of mean people. Just ahead some homeless woman bundled up in several layers is cursing as she veers from side to side down the crowded sidewalk in front of Filene's Basement and Forever 21, and hitting herself in the head. Somehow even though there's a square inch per person as it is on that sidewalk, everyone manages to avoid her.

No, I do not like stand-up comedy.

3. 10/21/06 - Three random things happen on the trip to our favorite neighborhood restaurant, Crepes on Columbus. The first one started out normally - some guy gave us coupons for "stand-up comedy". I think that's one of the first things you learn about living here in Morningside Heights. There's some crazy persistent comedy clubs that send messenger boys out to attack people with advertisements, all starting with the phrase, "Hey, do you like stand-up comedy?" Usually people just look at them bewildered, though I've started saying, "not that much." I was off my game tonight, because I took the coupons. After we passed him and kept walking, he was still speaking to us, even with our backs turned, finally saying, "I'll be there..." in a really low, slow, creepy voice that sounded like it was out of the Exorcist. That, by the way, is not standard stand-up advertising. Kim was urgently hissing, "cross the street, cross the street..." We later see him going into the bank. I threw the coupons away.

Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

4. 10/21/06 - While at dinner, we notice a cop car's sirens and flashing disco lights approach. They've pulled over a car, and are going over to it... right in front of us, since we're sitting right at the window. We both cheer because we want it to be an exciting drug bust or something. Unfortunately, no such luck - the two cops asked for title and registration, but the guys inside were cooperative, if a little confused, and after running a check on the paperwork, the cops went back to the car they pulled over, finished their talking-to, and left. Well, last year there was another random false alarm, when Kim and I happened to see some guy lying on the ground, sort of twitching, outside our dorm room on Broadway. We thought he had fallen - it was icy that night. A cop car pulled over, and discovered soon that he was drunk and/or a crazy homeless person, and started lifting him up, and he started walking completely fine.

5. 10/21/06 - On the way back from dinner, I'm yawning as we pass some happy guy leaving his apartment building. He sees me yawn and yawns too, then says, "Oh, you made me sleepy!" as we pass each other. I yell over my shoulder congenially, "sorry about that, man!" which is a little bit out-of-character for me.

I know we long for the days before Bush, but come on.

6. 3/20/06 - Probably one of the most historically random days of my life. First the Swahili teacher at the SIPA Language Center said "You should change your name to Ever Smiling. Because you're always smiling and you're so happy and you have a beautiful smile." Mind you that I would have never suggested that for myself, because I don't think I ever smile, and I doubt I felt happy that day, as I have only recently decided that happiness is something that can come before the wild blue yonder that is the end of life. Then that evening as I was emerging from a stairwell one of the janitor ladies nearly ran me over with her trash cart, then proceeded to ask me if this crudely drawn picture on a piece of cardboard that she was carrying around - a picture of Bill Clinton - looks like the one on the magazine, which she held up in her other hand. "Uh, yeah," I mumbled, then hurried off.

7. 3/24/06 - I come to the conclusion today, somewhere between Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke and too much chocolate-caramel corn, that "my problems are so ridiculous that all I can do is laugh".

"String theory", supposedly.

8. 3/29/06 - At the Radiology Center, I overhear a woman loudly, annoyingly snapping to someone on her cellphone about the miseries of her life. And to be fair, her leg is in a cast, but still! She decided that string theory is totally wrong, then said, "granted, I don't know anything about it". I thought to myself that it was a good thing I didn't bring the string theory book Fabric of the Cosmos that day.

1. Sees public, potentially alterable display. 2. Alters.

9. 10/7/06 - Back to that Union Square trip. It was dark by the time we went home, regardless that we left in the middle of the day, and besides seeing ridiculous store signs and graffiti, we passed by a wet-cement area, taped off to make the public understand that it was not to be touched. A few in a pack of kids dives for it, instinctively, and instead of reining them back, the mother and the other responsible adults join in, making the other pack go for it too. At the end of the block we see a flashing cop car go zipping past us and are sure that it's gone ack to pick up the vandalizers. I came to the conclusion that night that while Chinese people love to stand around and watch fights, New Yorkers love to vandalize things. It's part of what makes this town.

Today Has Been Okay

I've been having crazy insights lately... namely, discovering that I think I actually am happy and satisfied with my life. I always used to think otherwise - that I wasn't happy, that I was always worried, that something was always not right. But lately I've been thinking that maybe everything's alright. Maybe it's just because today was a very good day. Namely I fixed my ZoneAlarm settings (internet firewall and privacy control thingy) myself, without asking for the computer guy's assistance, and reassured myself that my computer did not need to be reformatted. But I think it's other things too. I'm just not as worried as I used to be. I sort of have a little bit of faith, or something, and a little bit of a slowdown in terms of my hyper-worry meter. "One day at a time" has become my new way of looking at the world. And I can only look at it that way because I think it'll be okay.

If you see me at midnight
Walking the streets
You'll know it's me for I cannot sleep
I've pushed away the dreams
And spoiled the quiet
I'm propelled by fear
And not the righteous



For instance, I had two midterms last week. One of them (Globalization) I'm confident in - think I did well, etc. The other one (Statistics) is a little more shaky. But I'm not going to worry about it. I have an oral midterm in Chinese next week, and who knows how I did on the last Environmental Science test. But I'm not going to worry about it. In fact, I'm not going to "worry" about my grades at all. Whatever happens, happens - if I have to P/D/F one of my classes, I have 'til mid-November to decide. But maybe I won't have to. Whatever. It isn't the end of the world if I don't get straight As. I love what I'm studying, and I have a tentative plan for my life - that's the most important thing. I get all my work done, and I have a great idea for an extra credit project to boost my grade in environmental science. Whatever happens, happens.

So have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as it paints against the sky
The fever is near
I wish you were here


I think I'm like this because I realized that I'm protected. I suddenly feel like I'm wearing a protective talisman. I came to this conclusion in counseling today, when I suddenly said that I feel like I have a parent behind me and a parent in front of me - the one behind me being my mother, pushing me on, and the one in front of me being my father, urging me forward. He's not physically here with me anymore, but why should I think of the world as a purely physical and material one? I'm not that atheist. I don't quite see life as a straight line, but it's not a circle either - at least my particular life, in this particular reality, is not. I see it as an arc overlooking an "infinite abyss", to quote Garden State, a colorful abyss enclosed in mist that you need to fly over and through. Two outposts stand up like sentries out of the abyss - the Beginning, and the End. As we set out and grow up and find our way we have to leave the safety of the platform that is the Beginning and set off toward the End, and fly through the beautiful world of life in the process. Most people have their two parents pushing them out of the nest at the Beginning, but I only have one at the Beginning. My dad is at the End outpost, on the other side of the journey. And I can't tell you how safe that makes me feel, to have a parent serving as a guardian of each gateway. I'm between them - both pushed and pulled forward. It's like how babies learn how to walk - one parent behind them, and the other calling them on. My dad calls me on toward my existence as an adult, my mom launches me. So I think it'll be okay.

I'm thinking ambitious
I've got this feeling things will be alright
So go break a leg night
Been given the green light
So go entertain them
They're waiting for you
They're waiting for you


After leaving counseling I discovered that it had started raining. And I'd left my dorm without an umbrella or jacket. Ah well! I ran across 116th street and hid under one of the phone booths because it started pouring like mad, and just waited, calmly and patiently, for the rain to dwindle a little. The girl hiding next to me gave up and bought an umbrella, but I waited, watching the rain, watching the taxis splash through puddles, watching the clouds overhead move like tectonic plates, watching the New Yorkers run, some of them in sweatshirts, some of them with umbrellas and rain boots, some of them with nothing. It was nice. Then the wind acted up and the rain slowed. It was when I saw leaves spiralling around, being ripped off trees and dancing around quickly in the wind that I decided to make a run for my apartment building. The rain and leaves swirled so strangely - almost hurricane-like. But it was nice. I spent the time listening to the song interspersed throughout this post, "The City Lights" by The Umbrellas. I remember thinking, how do you feel? (my counselor makes me answer these kinds of questions a lot) And I remember thinking, I'm happy. It's such beautiful, climactic, cleansing weather. Jintian tianqi zhen hao, as they would say in Beijing. The weather today is very good.

So have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as it paints against the sky
Feeling so right and things will run
The fever is near
I wish you were here

Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Live Forever

The above is the title of an album by the mostly instrumental, profoundly grandiose band Explosions in the Sky. The cover depicts soldiers marching into battle against a bleeding red sunset and an approaching dark night, with an angel flying above them, and the small text: help us stay alive. The album is known for being the object of an urban legend that it was released on September 10th, 2001, and on the liner notes it says "the plane will crash tomorrow". Now it does say that on the liner notes, but it was released in late August, not September 10th. However, that should not distract from the high quality of the music on the album. The best song in my opinion is called "Have You Passed Through This Night?". Consider finding that song on Radioblog before you keep reading.

Those who tell the truth shall die, those who tell the truth shall live forever.

I just saw an amazing movie - Jet Li's Fearless. It's a lot like kung fu cult classic that spawned a million sequels Once Upon A Time in China, and yet nothing like it. In both movies, a Chinese civilian decides to uphold the pride of an occupied China by participating in martial arts and beating up on cocky foreigners. But whereas Once Upon A Time in China (also starring Jet Li, and a bespectacled Jackie Chan) is ridiculously unrealistic and fluffy (as fluffy as martial arts can be), ending with a completely hilarious scene where Jet Li kills the completely evil British conqueror by shooting a bullet at him - with his hand - Fearless is heartwrenchingly realistic and human and personal.

There's lots of rice paddies and ancestor altars in this movie.

Jet Li plays Huo Yuanjia, the son of a martial arts teacher in Tianjin, China, who above anything else wants to be a martial artist like his father, who strictly forbids him from even setting foot in the training room and wants him to learn calligraphy and be a scholar instead. Yuanjia watches his father be defeated in a match as a young boy because he refused to deal the final blow, then subsequently loses his first fight, and vows, "I, Huo Yuanjia, will never be defeated again." So begins Jet Li's swan song to martial arts (it's his last kung fu movie, and also the one that is most personally his), from which the rest of us mere mortals can taste the ambrosia of truth, conveniently in a $10.75 movie ticket.

How we worship our heroes.

Huo Yuanjia is extremely cocky at first. He cares only about being undefeated in Tianjin, and it's true that he's incredibly talented - that's not what this movie is about. His physical talent is a given. It's about what makes someone a noble fighter - and that's in the heart, not in the fist. While the fight scenes in this movie are great and a lot of fun to watch, they symbolize so much more than the fight itself. Huo wins fight after fight, and is a local legend with a huge following of disciples who after each victory beg to study with him but don't really do much except get drunk. His little daughter Jade wants Daddy to win (but even more so she wants him to come home) and a homeless guy follows Huo around, asking when he'll be the champion of Tianjin, then answering when Huo asks, "Today! It will be today!" After each fight Huo and his following of disciples drink and feast in Huo's childhood friend's restaurant, running up a humongous tab that Huo just shrugs away - all he cares about is the next challenger that he can shoot down. His childhood friend tries to tell him that maybe he should take a break from the continuous fights and reconsider his life, but Huo refuses. He even lambasts his dead father, saying that he could not finish the final blow, that his heart was not hard enough.

Red and black, blood and darkness.

As Huo learns, to have a hard heart is not to have the heart of a true martial arts champion. He learns this in the most horrible way possible, when a series of lies, misunderstandings, and rash, hot-headed decisions lead to the decimation of his life in Tianjin. Huo ends up wandering around China and finds himself in a mountainous village of rice-planters, who take him in and care for him - notably Moon, a blind girl who always smiles now that she's cried all her tears away, and Grandma, who just says, "You'll get over it. Here, have some food." Through being sent to work in the rice paddies and learning that being the fastest rice planter is not nearly as important as planting the rice so it will grow, and appreciating the fresh mountain breezes, Huo transforms himself. He leaves the village, telling Moon that he will return, but he needs to see his parents' graves in Tianjin.

"I'll always remember".

Meanwhile in Tianjin everything has changed. His house nearly foreclosed. Foreigners overrun the streets. Children beg for money from the foreigners, who find them to be amusing little urchins. What used to be the fighting ring is now a crowded, squabbling market place, now that China has been pried open to the West, and Bible thumpers crowd the streets. His disciples are being obnoxious bouncers who nonetheless still worship him, and expect him to solve Tianjin's (and thus China's) problems for them. Huo, now a changed and completely reformed man who no longer drinks, goes to those he has wronged and asks for their forgiveness, then asks for money - so he can travel to Shanghai and defeat a Western fighter named Hercules O'Brien who has defeated every Chinese challenger thus far and proclaims the Chinese to be the "weak men of Asia".

Who has disappointed who, now?

That's the official "plot" of this movie - the Westerners and the Japanese have decided that in order to completely splinter and crush China's morale, they will put on mock martial arts tournaments where they pit Chinese fighters against foreign fighters. When the Chinese fighters lose - and mind you, Hercules O'Brien is one scary ass motherfucker who looks like he should be in WWE, and Jet Li is freaking tiny compared to him - China becomes more depressed and less likely to cause trouble for the occupiers. As Huo and his best friend conclude, China is seen as weak because China is divided. Huo vows to bring China together by defeating the Western fighters thrown at him.

Goddamn those pesky foreigners.

Of course, the movie is really about Huo Yuanjia's transformation, from self-obsessed to conscientious and compassionate, from vengeful to forgiving, from sadistic to kind, from angry to calm. Even his fighting style changes. The way he treats others changes. Everything changes, because he has learned. As his mother told him when he was little, wushu is not about winning. It's about respect, honor, and civility. And I think most of all, it's about who you're fighting for. Yourself? Or your people? It changes what victory means. It changes what even entails a victory.

Lose the battle, win the war.

Suffice it to say that while the ending is not "happy" - it's heartbreaking, in fact, and made me cry - Huo Yuanjia does win - he wins the fight that matters. Jet Li is pouring his heart and soul out on this one, and any fan of his absolutely must see this movie. Hell, even if you're not a fan, it will convince you to be a fan. Another notable performance in this movie comes from Shido Nakamura, playing the Japanese fighter Tanaka who is Huo Yuanjia's final opponent. He's not the evil man you suppose him to be at first. In fact, Huo manages to teach him the lesson of what-is-heroism in the span of their fight, and he learns it. Fuck, China puts on a great performance in this one. When the spectators of the final fight chant at the end of the movie, "Stand strong! Stand strong!" it's really hard to not cry out of being emotionally overwhelmed.

The whole world is watching - Shido Nakamura and Jet Li.

It's also hard not to want to kill some people when the credits roll - life is unfair. But as Huo knows, that's the way it is. We've started the fight - now we have to finish it, regardless of how unfair it is. It reminds me of the ending message of Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring: Frodo tells Gandalf, "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." Gandalf replies - and Frodo hears him say it again after the wizard has "fallen into shadow" at the hands of the demon balrog, "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." That's a good summary for the message of this movie, too.

Aren't we all ring-bearers, when it comes down to it? (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)

It's hard not to feel like Jet Li the man dies at the end of this movie, but he doesn't - he and Huo Yuanjia live on - hence "those who tell the truth shall die, those who tell the truth shall live forever", can coexist with equal weight and truth. If you want a comparable experience, think Johnny Cash's video for his cover of the Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt" - heartfelt, personal, and you know what he's saying is, "this is me, this is my life, these are my mistakes and this is what I have learned, and that is all. I offer myself to the world".

"You can have it all, my empire of dirt" ("Hurt")

The Washington Post called the characters "cliched" and the motives "murky", but they are completely fucking wrong. I mean, the characters are like the opposite of cliched, and the motives are clearly the opposite of murky! So do not believe those reviews. Watch it. It just might change your life. Or it might at least give you something to think about for the 30-block walk home through the broken world you probably live in (as Kim and I had to do after we saw this movie) - a glimpse of something better, perhaps? This movie is not only like watching the evolution of a man, but watching the evolution of a sport and art form - goddamn, it feels like the ideal evolution of humanity. See it. It will make you believe in the possibility that we might be okay, just maybe, maybe this our third rock from the sun can avoid a nuclear holocaust caused by arrogance and hatred and anger.

Those who are about to die, we salute you. Stand strong, stand strong.

I leave you with a quote from A Wrinkle in Time: "We're shadowed. But we're fighting the shadow."